A letter for Awak

Dearest my dear Awak,

Today : 31st January 2010

Do you still remember? Today, on this very date last month you told me the news.

I dunno why you did what you did..and how you could do all dat you do to me..

I dunno how can a person i love so much can be so heart-less and cruel.

Today, it's already been A MONTH since you left me with the cold and selfish reality you forced upon me.

You are getting engaged, you said.

This month would have been 9 month we're together

But unfortunately, you choose to end all this with the most cruel way one can imagine.Very convenient.

I was so heart-broken I thought I would never get back on my feet again.

I cried every night from missing you, from asking my self why all this happened to me..why you, of all people did this to me.

But I thanked Allah SWT, for He gave me lots of supportive and concern friends who love me and was there to guide me out from my sadness. 

I refused to believe you are as heart-less as you seem to be potrayed by your act

I refused to believe that you never ever LOVE me 

You came back to me twice, and for what reason..only you and God knows it

But though no matter how hard I rejected, the reality always hit me back on my face..YOU ARE, in fact are CRUEL and a LIAR. I was blinded by my un-conditional love to you. I was..I admit, STUPID. But you, when you lied to me, you also lied to yourself.

Thank you Awak, for doing all this to me. I will try to make it without you somehow.

I will..no matter how hard it is, even if it kills me. I will smile and laugh like before, even if it fake and even if it kills me. I will be more glorified than before..and no, i wont make myself fair-skinned because an outdoor person like me, are really proud with my sun-kissed tanned skin.

I am all out of faith, and all out of hope, my sayang. 

I pray that Allah SWT forgive everything you did to me, because I still, for once in our relationship, couldn't find it in my heart to forgive you.

You hurt me beyond repair and it will take such a miracle to make me bounced like before.WTH. It hurt like hell Awak..

You already walked out from that door sayang, please don't turn back, no matter how much you missed me.

I'm doin' fine without you and if you are not doing fine without me, it is your problem and not mine.

It's been a month now, and I wanna bade you Good-bye. Have a nice life (if you can..).In case you are wondering..No, I dunt miss you ( I won't allowed myself to miss you, even if it kills me). No, I wont ask you to stay since you're so keen to walk-away. Now turn around sayang and keep walking. You choosed that path sayang, now walk along it.Stop thinking about me like you want me to stop thinking about you.I will stop loving you..even if it kills me.No, you already did that.

Till our path cross again (and it will, its just a matter of time, Insya-Allah).Goodbye Awak..

P/s : Revenge is so not my style..

Love : Saya